


Therapy Mattress

by shirewalker



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: A Pinch of Angst, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friends With Benefits, Scar touching, Sex for therapy, Smut, he loves it when she touches his scars too, how else to deal with mutual attraction and nightmares?, long smut because what else, nikolai makes alina scream of pleasure and that's the tea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-20
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-12-27 02:01:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21110855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shirewalker/pseuds/shirewalker
Summary: Alina goes to Nikolai when nightmares keep her awake, only to find out he too can't sleep.Sitting so close to him, she realises she wants to be even closer. And then an unfortunate pun gives her the opening she wanted.It doesn't take long before the two are sleeping together to chase away the nightmares. But is it all that's happening?





	Therapy Mattress

Alina knocked on the secret door, restless and desperate after another nightmare had kept her awake for hours.

After a moment it was opening. A grand bedroom greeted her, where a fireplace was burning merrily. Nikolai stood on the other side of the door, looking as sleepless as she felt. “Can’t sleep?”

Alina shook her head and walked in, “Nightmare.”

“Likewise, sunshine… Come.” He walked to the sofa by the fireplace and sat down, “Tea?”

“Thanks,” She took the teacup and sat next to him.

Silence settled around them for a while. Neither spoke between their sipping, though Alina felt the need to talk burning on the tip of her tongue. After finishing her tea, she put the teacup away and tried to get more comfortable on the sofa. However, the space was rather small, making it more of a loveseat than a sofa, which meant any movement of hers resulted in the brushing of her body against Nikolai’s. She felt a blush tease her cheeks as her mind took a stupid turn at the latest touch and tried to lean away a little bit.

Nikolai watched her manoeuvres and chuckled a little, “I have to say, no nightmare can take away the joy of watching you try to settle on this tiny sofa.”

She rolled her eyes and poked him with her foot. Nikolai’s hand shot down to divert the attack, warm palm quickly enveloping her ankle. She glared, or tried to, and scoffed, “Shut up, this thing is so small, how can you even nap here?” Her gaze fell on his hand, “Can I have my foot back?”

Nikolai flashed a mischievous grin. And shook his head, “No.”

“What?”

“I can’t nap here.” He cleared up with an innocent smile. But his hand was still on her ankle, giving her mind the silliest of ideas. Saints help her. When she didn’t have nightmares of the war, she was plagued by intimate dreams involving Nikolai. Which was so not part of her plan. Whatever it was. Nikolai’s smile grew playful as his hand moved down and he began massaging her foot. “And you really can’t have your foot back when you’re still stressed. Allow me to help?”

“You’re already…” She cleared her throat, “Doing it.”

“I’ll stop if you ask me, Alina. You know I will.”

Well… It was nice. He was actually… good. Looking away from those hazel eyes that haunted her dreams, Alina nodded a little, “I… You can. Keep doing it.”

Nikolai smiled at her and focused on her foot, slowly massaging it with his expert hands. Alina noticed he had no gloves, as he rarely did when they were alone together. She watched the way faint pale lines crisscrossed his fingertips, somehow making his hands look more striking than ugly. She wondered if he thought the scars to be ugly, or if it was just the reminder of what had made them that haunted him. In that moment, she wished she could make them go away. Even if Nikolai seemed at ease around her, she could feel the insecurity that surrounded him whenever he put those gloves on.

“Are you staring at my damnably handsome features, sunshine? At this time of the night? In my room?” He teased her as he put one foot down on his lap and reached for the other.

Alina blushed at the tease, even if in that moment she hadn’t been observing his looks. Damn the man and his ego, it made it hard to admit out loud that he was handsome. Attractive as devils come. “You’re really full of yourself, aren’t you?”

“Well, someone has to.” He said. And froze. As did Alina.

“That…” She cleared her throat, and tried to ignore the way her body lit up. “That has to be your worst innuendo ever, Nikolai.”

He chuckled a little and looked away, as though he could hide the sudden blush on his cheeks, “It was unfortunate. I didn’t mean to say it.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes, sunshine.”

“Well…” She cursed herself for indulging in this sudden idea, “What if… What if I’d like you to…” She cleared her throat a little, “Mean it?”

Hazel eyes locked on hers. She saw confusion burning bright. But also… desire. “Have you been drinking anything stronger than that tea, sunshine?”

She shook her head, “No, Nikolai.”

“So…”

Her eyes flickered to the bulge on his pants for a moment and Alina nearly came at the sight. Nikolai may be unsure of her words, but his mind was in the same place as hers was. Hadn’t Zoya said sex was a great way to forget stuff? To get lost in the heat of the moment, in someone else’s body and the pleasure of the act? She looked back towards Nikolai, “I want to have sex with you Nikolai.” There, the words were out.

Nikolai was breathing hard, his lips parted in what she thought to be the first time he was speechless. It made her rather proud of herself. He blinked a little and licked his lips, “Sunshine… Sex?”

She nodded, “Why not? That innuendo was just dying to happen. Is just dying to happen.”

His eyes darkened, “I’ll have you know, sunshine, that I don’t sleep around. I don’t want… I don’t want to do this lightly.”

He wanted to be sure she wanted it. And that it wouldn’t affect their friendship. She leaned back as best as she could and unbuttoned the first button of her pyjama shirt. Nikolai let out a strangled sound, “I want this. I want you. I want to forget everything but… you.” Another button.

Nikolai looked like he was dying, his eyes stuck on the buttons Alina was slowly undoing. “I…” The very last button was undone and she let the shirt slither open, “I want you too, sunshine… So badly…” And then he was leaning in, a hand cupping her jaw as his mouth met hers at last.

Alina sighed into the kiss and buried her hands in his soft hair, moaning as Nikolai’s tongue traced her lower lip and slowly pried her mouth open. The kiss quickly hastened the moment their tongues met, and Alina pulled him closer to her, guiding his other hand to one of her breasts. She moaned into the kiss when Nikolai cupped her breast and squeezed lightly, thumb brushing the soft skin with tender strokes.

His mouth was hungry for hers, teeth biting softly every other heartbeat. Moan after moan built in the back of her throat as Alina kissed him back with as much gusto as Nikolai. His thumb brushed her nipple, and she pulled his hair. Nikolai let out a groan and rolled his hips against hers, a hardness teasing her inner thigh as he moved. Alina wanted it, so badly. So, so badly.

She took in a breath of cool air when the kiss was broken and Nikolai traced her jaw with thousands of fire-hot kisses. He moved slow and fast, fast and slow, tracing every bit of skin he could find until he met a sweet spot right under her jaw and kissed it at length. Alina was dying already, her mind a puddle, and they were just making out. “Saints, Alina…” Nikolai’s voice was rough, husky with lust. It only made her body beg harder for his. And saints, did it beg.

Alina felt a familiar warmth between her legs as his mouth trailed down her throat. And chest. And breasts. He took a nipple between his teeth and teased her until Alina was trembling hard, only letting go when she whimpered his name with a please. This was torture. Sweet, sweet torture. Deliciously sinful, sending her flying into a frenzy. Her blood rushed fast through her veins, singing for Nikolai and his touch and his kisses and the way he rasped her name. Oh, saints… The way he said her name was enough to make her come.

Her pants where pulled down, her shirt was gone, and soon Alina was being pulled up and straddling Nikolai. She rushed to free him of his shirt, their mouths meeting once more for yet another desperate kiss. He tasted so good, so much better than any of her wild dreams had ever hinted at. And Alina couldn’t stop kissing him. His lips were simply… addictive.

“Kissing you is… An adventure. The best adventure of my life…” Nikolai rasped into the kiss, and reached down. He brushed her clit and Alina almost bit down on his lip. He chuckled and brushed her again, “Truly, the best…”

“You talk so much… Even during sex. Why… Oh…” His thumb was doing incredible things to her. Very incredible things. “Why am I not… god… Surprised?”

His hand was gone, now on the small of her back. The other was lost on her hair, cupping her nape with a gentleness that had her mind spinning fast. “How can I be quiet, sunshine? When you’re so… incredible?”

“You could… be filling me.” She said. And she didn’t even regret the lameness of her choice of words. She wanted him, badly. So why not just say it?

Nikolai’s laughter was a warm tease that had her only begging harder for release. But he still didn’t satisfy her. He simply… held onto her and stood. “I want our first time to be in bed, sunshine. Let me make sure you’re as comfortable as it gets, yes?”

Alina kissed his jaw, “First time? Planning on seducing me more times?”

“I won’t be able to survive with just one time, sunshine. And neither will you. Am I wrong?” He placed her on the bed, as gentle as a feather.

She opened her eyes and felt all air leave her lungs. His eyes burned with a thousand emotions. Many of which he kept too close for her to guess. But all had her dying to uncover their secrets. For now, though… She wanted just to indulge in that dark spark of lust. “How about you get on with it and let me find out?”

“So hasty…” He said, and slowly began to pull his pants down.

Alina watched with pure, lustful hunger. Her eyes followed the trail of the waistband, stopping the moment she saw his length. Nikolai was hard enough to make a dent on his bed post. She was sure of that. And soon, Alina would have that inside of her. Not soon enough, she thought, as he slowly climbed atop of her and leaned in to steal another kiss.

“And you’re so… slow.” She let out, wanting him right away, but not really complaining. For his kisses were all worth the wait. Nikolai didn’t play around. He made every pull and press and glide count. He made sure it was all worth the wait.

“I want to savour this, sunshine…”

“I want to savour you, Nikolai…” She tossed her arms around his back and pulled him closer, “Now.”

Nikolai chuckled into the kiss as he parted her legs and slowly, but surely, sank into her. He didn’t stop until he was completely inside of her, until Alina let out a slow and audible sigh of satisfaction.

“So good…” She breathed.

Nikolai nuzzled his nose against hers, “I agree…” And then he pulled out, drawing a whimper out of her. The sound quickly changed into a moan the moment he sank back inside with a slick thrust. Alina’s body lit up like a firework.

“Yes…!” She cried out.

Nikolai took her words as his guides, her moans and rapid breathing as his signs. He kissed her with passion as they moved together, slow at first, but quickly picking up as the two gave into the lust burning through their bodies.

His lips were tender, but sinful. His hands were soft and certain. His hips rolled with hers in a rhythm that was quickly tuned to near-perfection between their moans and kisses and rasped echoes of their names.

Alina dragged her nails down his back as Nikolai’s thrusts grew faster and harder, hitting all the sweet spots she didn’t know she had. Saints help her, she was beginning to see stars. Each thrust of his lit up her blood, each kiss threw her into a storm of unexpected emotions. Alina couldn’t get enough of Nikolai, yet the edge, that sweet release, was closing in fast.

“Sunshine…” Nikolai groaned against her lips, and she knew, he too was about to fall apart.

She cried out as her whole reality rolled off the edge, her release waking up every cell in her body. Nikolai moved with her a little longer, the strain in his voice bringing a smile to Alina’s face. And then… He rocked his hips hard against hers, shuddering as her name escaped his lips in a strained echo.

Their erratic breathing filled the air around them, their bodies hot and spent.

Alina played with Nikolai’s hair as the two slowed down, a satisfied smile stuck on her lips. “That was… Oh, your ego will ruin the whole palace…”

Nikolai chuckled and kissed her cheek with a tenderness that stopped her heart for one long heartbeat, “Pray tell, sunshine. You can’t keep my curiosity in the blind.”

She rolled her eyes but answered him nevertheless, “That was incredible. It was…” She let out a breath, “So, so good.”

“Thank you. Though I’m sure half of the praise has to go to you, Alina. You were… absolutely fantastic.”

“I already want more.” She admitted, even if Nikolai was still inside of her.

Nikolai kissed the corner of her mouth and slowly slipped away, before tucking her under the covers of his bed, and pulling her flush against his body. His arms were warm around her frame, his breath a soft caress on her cheek before yet another kiss graced her flushed skin. “We should rest a little first, sunshine. Don’t run me to the ground just yet.”

She wanted to poke him, but her strength had gone to dust after their incredible session. Soon, her eyes fluttered closed as her body claimed some of that elusive sleep.

“Goodnight, sunshine…” Nikolai’s voice trailed after her consciousness, guiding her towards a sleep without nightmares.

* * *

A stray ray of early sunshine woke her up. Alina blinked at it before rolling on the bed with the intent of pretending the sun hadn’t interrupted the best sleep she’d had in ages. All thanks to Nikolai.

Saints.

Nikolai.

After their nap, Alina had woken up for more sex. And Nikolai had happily given it to her. All night through. Alina’s experience wasn’t that much, yes, but that didn’t stop either from enjoying each other’s body to the point of exhaustion. And saints, they did it.

And after… Sleep had come for good. And Alina had slept like a baby. No dreams, no nightmares, nothing to plague her away from rest. And judging by the way Nikolai had kept her close the whole night… She guessed he too had slept soundly at last.

She parted her eyes and found the young king still asleep next to her. His hair was a mess, gold locks pointing everywhere. His cheeks were pink and an adorable smile seemed to play with the corners of his mouth. Saints, that mouth… She’d cursed it at length, but that previous night… it had been a gift from the heavens.

Her gaze drifted down as she took in his strong neck, the defined collarbone and the toned muscles of his chest. But her attention quickly settled on the scars that marred his otherwise perfect skin. She reached out and traced the jagged lines, wondering just how deeply they ran. The skin was lighter, looking as healed as it could. No darkness slithered about as it had once. But still… the scars were there. Both physically and mentally. In that moment she hated her former flame, for his pettiness that had done little to advance his cause.

Nikolai stirred in his sleep and she dropped her hand. “No… Don’t… don’t stop.” He breathed, reaching out to capture her hand and return it to his chest. “It feels… nice.”

Alina looked up and found a sleepy Nikolai staring at her, a tender look in his eyes. “I…” She bit her lip, “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head and caressed her hand, “Don’t be. It’s not your fault. Plus…” He took a breath, “Your touch… it’s like a balm.”

“Well… I, huh…” She cleared her throat and winced a little, “I have to. I kind of need to…”

Nikolai chuckled and let her go, “Go ahead. I’ll order breakfast.”

She hesitated before slipping away, “No herring. Please.”

He pointed towards his shirt somewhere on the floor, “Of course, sunshine. I wouldn’t dare.”

She put the shirt on, “You better.”

His chuckle filled the room. And maybe… her heart as well.

* * *

Weeks passed, and Alina and Nikolai kept busying their nights with each other’s company, now closer than ever. Sleeping with him was purely physical, she kept telling herself, yet the moments she relived the most were those they spent just… talking. Or cuddling. If she dared to think of their affair deeper than the sex, Alina wasn’t sure what she’d find. It terrified her.

So, she told herself the reason she didn’t put their new relationship to an end was simply because… it was rather pleasurable. Nikolai was a fantastic lover, never denying her any ounce of pleasure, always ruled by her whims. That was the only reason she didn’t stop sleeping with him. Nothing else.

And yet…

“Rough night?” Zoya asked from her spot, her tone innocent enough to trick any distracted bystander.

Alina put down her cup and eyed her friend, “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’ve yawned more times than Genya. And she’s the one that has a belly so large it makes her go to the bathroom every five minutes.”

Genya arched an eyebrow, “Excuse me, I have a baby pressing down my bladder.”

“Is that why we’re out here having tea?” Zoya added.

Genya scoffed and tossed her a cookie, “We’re having tea because we too deserve a break from all the drama in court, Zoya.”

Zoya’s blue eyes darted back to Alina, “Oh, I agree. And I think Alina’s been taking plenty of… breaks, lately.” Her tone was suggestive, yes, but Alina still played confused.

“You’re talking in riddles, Zoya. Has duelling with Harshaw resulted in more head injuries than those we know of?”

Zoya scoffed, “I have no head injuries. But you have a lying tongue. Come on, rumours have spread. Tell us.”

“What rumours?” She poured more tea for herself, if only to pretend her heart wasn’t hammering fast. With a steadier hand than expected, she took a sip.

“That Nikolai has a lover.”

Alina choked on her tea, and coughed hard for a long moment, her two friends standing by. Amused. They were amused. Not worried. When she could breathe again, Alina shot a deadly glare at the two girls, “You just… watched?”

Genya pressed her lips, clearly trying to not smile at something. Then, “Alina, we’re your friends. You can tell us, you know?”

“T-Tell you what?”

Zoya rolled her eyes and leaned back on her chair, arms crossed, eyes inquisitive, “About you and Nikolai.” When Alina coughed again, Zoya just laughed, “Come on, stop playing around. We know. You have this… glow. And Nikolai has been smiling far more than usual. Not to mention that neither of you have mentioned nightmares in a while. You,” She pointed at Alina, “Look rather tired some days, and usually so does Nikolai.”

“There’s also the rumours that he has a lover. No one knows who they are, but they clearly do not enter through any known door.” Genya added and took a sip of her tea. She moaned a little, “This is so good. And,” She added, “We’ve noticed the way you two keep stealing glances of each other. It’s ridiculous.”

“I…” Alina stared in horror at her friends, “How…?”

Zoya shrugged, “We just told you. Plus, we know you two. We simply put the facts together.”

Alina didn’t know what to say. She was glad neither Tamar nor Nadia were there, though. She had a feeling they would happily join Genya and Zoya and drill her to the ground. The four of them were ruthless at times.

“Tamar and Nadia suspect too.” Genya said, as though reading Alina’s mind. “So, what’s going on between you two? Aside the sex.”

“I… Nothing! You’re making things bigger than they are!” Alina let out in panic, her heart now beating against her chest so hard it was a wonder nothing was broken yet.

“You look at each other with hearts in your eyes, Alina. And you’re banging each other every night. I can’t blame you, he is attractive and has eyes for you alone.” Zoya said, “But you two clearly have more than a physical thing going on.”

“I… We do not!”

Genya laughed, “Oh, please. You can’t say his name without smiling! It’s all right, you can admit it started as purely physical but it developed into something more.”

Alina had no words. This was a disaster. Her friends not only knew of her sexual relationship with Nikolai, they claimed she had romantic feelings for him! And when they had something this big set in their minds, there was no changing their opinions.

“Do you think she’ll take long to realise it herself or…?” Zoya said to Genya, as though Alina wasn’t right there.

Genya shrugged, “Who knows? She can be pretty stubborn about these things. But I’m sure next time Nikolai has her all to himself she’ll be thinking hard,” She chuckled, “About all of it.”

Zoya hummed in agreement.

“You’re… terrible. And I…” Alina stood, “I’m leaving. I have practice with Harshaw.”

Zoya smiled a knowing smile, “Go, you clearly need time to process this.” And then she laughed, and Genya did too.

While Alina wished the ground would swallow her whole.

* * *

Burning hot with lust, Alina dropped her head on the crook of Nikolai’s neck, rocking her hips hard against his as their moans filled the room. She clung harder to him, fingers digging on the hard muscles of his back and moved faster, chasing that sweet, sweet release.

The fireplace burned lazily behind her, the warm light illuminating Nikolai whenever she moved. He dragged a hand up her back and she arched against it, smiling as her whole skin tingled from the feather-light touch. Soft, but capable of setting her on fire.

“Oh, Alina…” Nikolai groaned and leaned in to place a kiss between her breasts, “You’re… incredible… God!” He let out a wordless cry as Alina dug a hand through his hair and pulled after one particular hard thrust. And saints, was he hard. Hard and hitting all the right buttons. Making her see stars behind her closed eyes.

“Nikolai… Oh…!” Her grip tightened and then reality was tipping on its axis, her entire existence rolling off the edge. She was dust, utterly satisfied dust.

She rolled her hips lazily just a little more, riding out the rest of her orgasm as Nikolai cried her name and shuddered inside her.

When they finally stilled, Nikolai reached out and tucked away stray locks of her hair, his eyes tender as he watched the white strands slip through his fingers. “Have I ever told you… how beautiful you are?”

She tried to ignore the way her heart fluttered at his tone, “Do you think you’re the first person to say that?”

His chuckle was warm against her cheek before he brushed a soft kiss, “That’d be impossible. You are beautiful as the stars, if no one ever told you so, I’d question their sanity.” He placed another soft kiss before leaning away just a little, “But I was wondering, in spite of agreeing on your beauty, I don’t think I ever really told you. Out loud.”

“You did say you wouldn’t flirt with anyone better looking than you.” She joked, though the words now stung a little more than before.

He scoffed and leaned back on his sofa with a miserable thud, his hands still holding her back, “That was such a stupid thing to say. I was stung by your refusal, and didn’t want you to know. I said the first stupid thing I could think of.”

“To distract me from the truth?”

He nodded, “All my life I’ve learned to keep my true feelings from everyone, lest they use them against me, so it was a subconscious reaction.” He brushed his knuckles across her cheek and sighed, “If I made you feel… less, I’m so sorry, sunshine. I didn’t mean it. I’ve always thought you to be beautiful beyond words.”

Her breathing grew shallow and she had to look away. His words were growing dangerous, his gaze leaving her breathless and lost. Zoya and Genya’s teases came back in full force, and her heart happily beat faster to their rhythm. She climbed away from him and reached for her robe, “We should go to sleep. Don’t you have a meeting early in the morning?”

Nikolai watched her with careful attention before nodding, “Indeed, I do.” He stood and teased the fire a little more before taking her hand and tugging her to bed, “We already enjoyed ourselves quite a lot tonight, some proper rest is in order.”

Alina’s hand tingled from his touch, her heart beating so fast and so loud it was a wonder no one but her could hear its rampant drumming.

Nikolai put her to bed with care before joining her and tugging her close, his body curled around hers in a cocoon that sent her heart into cardiac arrest. “Goodnight, sunshine.” A kiss on her head.

Alina took in a shaky breath, “Goodnight, Nikolai.”

* * *

Later that night, Nikolai was still awake. Alina had rolled towards him in her sleep, her white hair like a messy halo on the pillow. Messy, but still perfect. Gently, he caressed her face with his knuckles, suddenly aware of how his scars disappeared from his mind entirely when Alina was with him. Not just… in bed. But any moment. Any joke or conversation or meal shared together. Just by seeing her even.

She made him feel lighter. And he happily embraced the pun.

“I love you, sunshine. So much… I fear my heart might explode.”

* * *

Alina’s daily routine was… wobbly. Her mind was constantly lost in Nikolai’s land, trying desperately to find a reasonable explanation to how she felt around him. How she’d always felt, before and after they’d initiated their sexual dalliance.

Because of how busy her mind was with the hazel-eyed king, Alina was distracted more than usual.

“I hear she might be an option for queen.” A whisper caught her attention, Alina’s daydreams of Nikolai’s lips on hers breaking into pieces. Queen?

She hid in a darkened corner and listened to the approaching voices.

“Well, he has to marry soon.” Another voice spoke. Maids, most likely, “He’s young and the king.”

“Not to mention, handsome.” The other voice giggled.

“True.” A pause, “The upcoming midwinter ball might be the moment he either proposes or announces the engagement. He’s invited a few eligible women, including the Shu princess.”

A Shu princess… Alina’s heart sunk.

“Oh, I hope whomever he chooses is a good queen. And that we get a taste of their wedding cake. I was told Ravkan royal cakes are the best.”

The second voice chuckled, “You’re so excitable.”

Alina glued herself to the wall as the two maids passed her by, their conversation having moved on to other themes.

Nikolai. A Shu princess.

This was… good. Her suggestion even.

So why was her heart breaking?

* * *

The midwinter ball arrived faster than Alina’s conflicting heart wished it. Before long, dukes and countesses, lords and princesses were arriving upon Nikolai’s invitation. It was the first royal ball ever since he’d come into power, and it was important that everyone came and everyone had an excellent time. If anything, to put to rest any rumours that Nikolai couldn’t handle his forefathers’ monetary misguidances.

Alina passed her trembling fingers over the bodice of her gown. A beautiful firebird was embroidered in gold thread, the deep royal blue making it glow. The full skirt was perfect for waltz, Genya had said, but Alina couldn’t imagine herself dancing that much.

Her white hair was still too exotic for possible dance partners.

And to be honest, the only partner Alina wanted was… unavailable. Or he would be, if the rumours were true.

Laughter bloomed from the open window behind her, startling her for a fleeting moment. Alina chided herself for being so nervous and placed a hand on the balcony railing, hoping the cool metal would help quiet her.

Falling for Nikolai was more trouble than she’d thought it would be.

And she had thought it to be troublesome.

“I should have never slept with him…” She cursed her past self for being so eager to jump his bones. She’d told herself it was just sex, purely physical. Yet, from the first real kiss, Alina had felt it in her bones that something else was happening. It took her hearing about the upcoming engagement to realise she’d slowly been falling in love with Nikolai for a long, long time.

“Then my nights would have been terribly lonesome.”

Alina startled on the spot and turned to find Nikolai standing just a couple of steps behind her.

“Unless you’re talking about someone else and are musing how incredible I am and how no one else can compare.” He continued as he closed the distance between them and reached up to wipe a thumb across her cheek. Alina was surprised to see it wet. Nikolai frowned, worry marring his features, “Why are you crying, sunshine? Did something happen?”

She looked away, “I’m not… I’m not crying.”

“The tears welling up in your eyes say otherwise. Alina…” He touched her chin and turned her towards him, “What’s wrong?” His eyes were bright with worry and fear that something terrible was happening.

And, well… It was. Wasn’t it? Alina had fallen for him and now he was going to marry someone else. This was terrible. Because it could have been her. If only she’d said yes when he’d asked. “Shouldn’t you be proposing to some princess right now?” She let out, cursing herself for the broken voice. Cursing herself for falling for Nikolai, when staying friends would have been much safer.

A corner of his lips quirked up in a shy half-smile, “I’ve always considered you more of a queen, sunshine, but I can work with that. If,” he paused and, to Alina’s shock, dropped to one knee, “You’ll take me.”

She had no words.

Nikolai was on one knee. In front of her. Proposing. To her. Not to a princess. But…

“Why? But I thought…?” She croaked.

“The rumours were just that. Rumours. I invited guests of high profile for business arrangements, but of course, those that took care of the invites automatically assumed marriage arrangements were in order. As for why…” He took off his gloves and took her hand, “I’d assume it to be obvious, sunshine. I love you. With all my heart. There’s no one else I’d wish to spend the rest of my days with than with you. If you’ll have me.”

She looked into those hazel eyes that so often made her heart skip several important beats. A storm of emotions swirled in them, blazing bright with hope and fear and wonder and… love. Love. Saints. Love… “But I love you?”

Nikolai chuckled and looked down for a moment, “I should hope so. Or else your heartbreak would have to be over the loss of my wonderful mattress. Which would be a low blow to my ego.”

Alina rolled her eyes and sobbed a little, her tears now happier than moments ago, “Are you sure?”

“I’ve never been more certain about anything than about you, sunshine. No matter what.” He brushed his thumb over her knuckles and took a breath, “So, what do you say?”

“Don’t you need a ring for this?” She was stalling. Of course she was. But it felt more like a lucid dream than reality. She desperately needed time to fully take in what was happening.

“Hopefully you still have the ring, in which case, all I need is your answer. That formality will be taken care of afterwards. If your answer is positive, of course.”

“What if I say no? Won’t you need it?”

“I told you to keep it once, didn’t I? I’ll still want you to keep it, Alina. You’re the only one.”

Alina took in a shuddered breath and nodded, “Yes, Nikolai. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

He beamed at her and stood before taking her in his arms and leaning in for a long, passionate kiss.

* * *

A soft, content sigh left Alina’s lips as Nikolai played with her hair and placed yet another kiss on her crown. After saying yes and kissing for what felt like a century, the two had surreptitiously left the party and gone back to Nikolai’s room. There they kissed again and again, trading nonsensical words and playful quips and heartfelt promises, before falling into bed for the most sweet and satisfying love-making Nikolai had offered her. She guessed their feelings being out in the open had weighed in on it.

Now they sat by the fire, wrapped in a thick and soft blanket. Nikolai couldn’t stop touching and kissing her, as though the knowledge of her feelings had freed him completely. “We are going to be the most iconic rulers of Ravka, sunshine.”

She rolled her eyes and pinched his arm.

His yelp was high pitched like a child’s. “My love! Why did you do that?”

“I don’t even know how to be a queen, let alone an iconic one. Don’t count your eggs so soon.” She said, her tone somewhat light, her fears and nerves heavy on it.

“Well,” He pressed a kiss to her temple, “It’s easier than it seems. And to be a good ruler you have to care for your people. Which you already do, sunshine. Plus,” He winked, “I was away for far too long, forgot plenty of my royalty lessons, as you may have noticed in some council meetings.”

She rolled her eyes again, though this time a smile grew on her lips, “But I’m supposed to be dead.”

“Easily fixable, we’ll just confirm the rumours that Alina Starkov remained behind while the Sankta sacrificed herself for us all.” His voice was deep and distinct, as though he was proclaiming a religious tale.

Alina remained silent for a moment, remembering what she’d lost that day.

Nikolai sensed this change and let out a curse under his breath, “Sunshine, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

She shook her head and shrugged a little, “It’s all right. I just… It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Are you?”

“…No.”

He nodded and wrapped her closer in his embrace, “I guess we’re both similar in that particular sense.”

She couldn’t help the snort that escaped her, “You’re so dramatic.”

“So long it results in you smiling, I shall never stop.” He poked her nose, “And as for… the loss.” He cleared his throat, “David has been studying the matter. He…” A pause, “Well, I don’t want to jinx anything, but he believes you didn’t lose your powers, not exactly.”

She frowned, “What do you mean?”

“He explains it better, as much as it may surprise you, but he believes your powers are simply… dormant. Exhausted. May have changed something in the process of it all, but not gone completely.”

She let the words sink. Happiness dared to illuminate dark corners of her mind. Though a new shadow quickly slithered about, “Does that include living for a long time?”

Nikolai shrugged, “I can’t tell you that, Alina. It’s a theory so far.”

She nodded, “Thank you, for telling me.”

“Of course, sunshine.” He said softly, “I wish I had more to give you.”

“Well…” She turned a little, “You could tell me more tales of how you became Sturmhond.”

A slow smile grew on Nikolai’s face, the young king quickly following Alina’s subject change, “Surely you want to sleep well tonight, sunshine. Some are quite bloody and terrifying.”

“I’m not scared.”

He arched his eyebrows and leaned in, “Truly? Then I shall grant your wish, my love.” Then he kissed her again, before beginning a tale about a violent storm and rumours of sirens.

Alina listened to every word for as long as she could, sleep slowly conquering the battle whenever she blinked. It was an impossible fight, but she stood her ground. Until Nikolai’s voice was just a soft sound in her ear, until darkness took over, until she had somehow moved to the comfort of his bed and his embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> because I wanted to explore this scenario and I thought it would be interesting if Alina's first idea to deal with her nightmares and growing feelings for Nikolai was to just... bang him xD  
worked out quite well for them, no?
> 
> comments/fangirling/etc is the booty pirat--privateers! look for! :D


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